


Seventy-Seven (The Fear of Falling Apart: Just a One-Shot)

by JennFoozie4bz



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Male Homosexuality, One Shot, Oral Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-26
Updated: 2018-09-26
Packaged: 2019-07-18 00:10:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16106645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JennFoozie4bz/pseuds/JennFoozie4bz
Summary: Happy (late) Birthday, DeedeeLauren.





	Seventy-Seven (The Fear of Falling Apart: Just a One-Shot)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DeedeeLauren](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeedeeLauren/gifts), [calynell](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=calynell).
  * Inspired by [Seventy-Eight (The Paradox of Learned Helplessness)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3762529) by [wellthisisprettyrisque (collettephinz)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/collettephinz/pseuds/wellthisisprettyrisque). 



> Happy (late) Birthday, DeedeeLauren.

Brendon pulled away when he felt Ryan trembling. “I said you don’t have to be scared of me anymore.”

 Ryan shook his head, his breathing faster than it was before their kiss. “I’m not scared.” Ryan whispered.

 It took Brendon a few minutes to understand what Ryan was saying. Brendon leaned down to lightly kiss him on the lips. He pulled back, both hands on either side of Ryan’s head, leaning forward. Ryan had never seen this look on Brendon’s face before. It seemed thoughtful. Caring. Loving.

 “I won’t do anything you aren’t ready to do. Just tell me to stop and I will. Ok? I promise, I will stop.” Brendon explains to Ryan while looking deep into his eyes.

 “I don’t want you to stop.” Ryan exclaims shyly, but with hope in the tone.

 Brendon grins wider, leans forward to kiss Ryan deeper. Ryan feels his heart beating erratically against his rib cage and wonders if anyone has ever died from their heart exploding. He can feel Brendon’s heart beating just as hard. Brendon’s hands have tangled into Ryan’s hair, and he’s enjoying the slight tugs.

 “R-ryan?” Brendon asks breathlessly when he pulls away from him once more. “Do you want to take this in the bedroom? So we’re alone?”

 “Yes. Please?” Ryan nods with half lidded eyes. He still hasn’t gotten control of his breathing. He also notices how turned on he is just from kissing Brendon.

 Brendon hops up on his feet and pulls Ryan to his. Still holding onto Ryan’s hand, he leads him to guest bedroom where he used to sleep. They tiptoe quietly over the bodies scattered on the floor. Ryan is certain the sound of his heart banging in his chest, plus the butterflies in his stomach will wake the whole apartment.

 Brendon lightly closes the door behind them. He turns to Ryan, his hands reaching for his face and neck while their lips meet. He’s covering his neck in light kisses as he he guides Ryan to the bed. When the back of Ryan’s knees hits the edge, he sits down. Brendon is standing over him, bending to him to connect their mouths. He suddenly stops, and pauses to look at Ryan, who is bathed in white moonlight and from the window.

 “Can I lay on the bed with you? We can st—“ Brendon begins to say.

 Ryan is shaking his head fervently, interrupting his sentence by pulling him onto the bed beside him. The kisses are deeper now. Slower. Ryan moans from the throbbing discomfort that’s growing in his crotch.

 “Oh my God! That is the sexiest moan I ever heard. I’m gonna have to make you do that again.” Brendon breathes into Ryan’s mouth. “If you, you want me to—“

 “Y-yes, Brendon.” Ryan nods and answers between the kisses. “Please?”

 Brendon smiles at Ryan. His eyes are glowing with joy from within. He thought he loved Sarah, but this must be what love really feels like. Happiness. Peace. Safe. And an overwhelming desire to do whatever it takes to make him feel just as euphoric.

 They are laying on their sides, facing each other, kissing slowly. Brendon slowly places a hand under Ryan’s shirt, on his hip. He cautiously moves his hand up Ryan’s back, to his neck, and back down again. He slides his hand around to the front, slowly across his abdomen, up his chest, then to his neck. Brendon pauses the kisses, reaching with his other hand to pull Ryan’s shirt off his torso. Ryan shifts his weight for Brendon’s aid, but he can’t help stop the reaction of his arm and hand covering his chest.

 “Are you cold? We can get under the covers.” Brendon replies, looking concerned and fearing he pushed Ryan too far out of his comfort zone.

 “No. That’s not it. I-I just—“ Ryan looks down and away from Brendon’s dark eyes.

 “Ryan. You’re beautiful.” Brendon pulls Ryan’s hand away from his chest and places them on his. “Don’t ever cover yourself up around me. I love your body, I love—“ Brendon interrupts his own sentence with the overwhelming need to kiss him.

 Ryan hitches his breath at Brendon’s words. His hand pulls Brendon’s head closer to his, while he turns sideways for the kiss. He twists Brendon’s body around and tangle his legs in his, until Brendon is laying on top. Ryan’s hands find their way under Brendon’s shirt, rubbing in alternate patterns on Brendon’s back and sides. Brendon breaks their kiss to plant slow, sweet pecks on Ryan’s collarbone.

 Brendon starts to move unhurriedly down Ryan’s chest, then to his abdomen. He stops suddenly, looking into Ryan’s eyes.

 “Is this ok? I’m not going too fast, am I?” Brendon asks with concern.

 “Brendon. I want this. I-I want you.” Ryan responds. Ryan has never been more certain in his life.

 Brendon kisses him passionately. Deeply. He slowly starts his trail down Ryan’s abdomen again, leaving wet licks and kisses in his wake. He kisses Ryan’s belly button, then sticks the tip of his tongue in. This causes Ryan to jump with excitement, but also tickles him. He chuckles out loud while he twines his fingers in Brendon’s hair.

 Brendon reaches for the top button on Ryan’s pants and pauses. Ryan’s breathing is irregular, but he’s not stopping him or pushing him away. He then unzips the zipper, tugging slightly at the hips. Ryan lifts himself up enough for Brendon to slide them off, but not before he takes the opportunity to rub his hands over Ryan’s ass. Ryan responds with a groan.

 “You really have no idea how sexy that sound is.” Brendon sighs while hovering over Ryan. “For the rest of my life, that is all I want to hear.”

 Ryan reaches for the back of his head and pulls him into his lips. The tone in his voice melted away Ryan’s fear. He now knew with his whole heart that Brendon is sincere. He can put Pete’s nagging voice from the back of his mind to rest.

 Brendon breaks the kiss and moves back to between Ryan’s legs. He’s kissing Ryan’s prominent hip bones, while moving the tip of his finger lightly along the edge of the band on his underwear. It’s very obvious now that Ryan is hard, and well endowed. This has made Brendon very aware of his own throbbing hard-on, but he doesn’t want to rush Ryan’s first time. Their first time.

 Brendon sits up, hooks his thumbs on the band of Ryan’s underwear, looks into his eyes, and waits. Ryan bites his lip, nods his head yes, then lifts his butt for easier removal. Brendon can’t help but stare at Ryan’s hard cock. His eyes are wide, mouth open a little in amazement. He then looks back to Ryan’s face, taking in all that is laying before him.

 “I knew signing up for those counseling sessions would be life changing. How did I get so lucky?” Brendon is shaking his head in disbelief as he leans down to kiss his boyfriend. His heart skips a beat at the thought of the word and what that means Ryan is.

 Brendon moves back down along Ryan. Leaving sporadic kiss on his torso once more. He opens Ryan’s legs wider so he can fit, also for room to work. He licks the underside of Ryan’s dick, which immediately causes another sinful moan from him. Ryan’s fingers curl into his hair as he swirled his tongue on the head of Ryan’s dick. Brendon is also new to this, but he’s just acting on instincts. He wants to know what he tastes like. What can he do to make Ryan vocalize those pornograhic moans.

 Brendon wants more, so he bobs his head down to take more of him in his mouth. Ryan’s breath hitches again, and involuntarily bucks his hips up. Brendon looks up at Ryan, his dick partially in his mouth. Ryan is watching him, and they make eye contact. Ryan tightens his grip on Brendon’s hair, his brow furrows, his mouth forms a voiceless shout, and his hips buck up again. This time, he comes in Brendon’s mouth; head pressed back into the pillow, with a look between pleasure and pain on his face, hips lifted off the bed. Brendon automatically swallows the salty and bitter semen. Pleased with himself for Ryan’s undeniable gratification.

“Oh my God. I’m so sorry. It just...snuck up on me. Ohhh. That felt amazing!” Ryan rushes out. Part of him is still euphoric while the insecure half is trying to peek through. “Hey Brendon? I think I’m gay.” Both men cackle out in laughter, then remembering where they are, placing hands over their mouths to squander the noise. Their eyes shining brightly.

 “Shhh.” Brendon whispers, covering Ryan’s mouth with his own. A few small pecks given with smiling lips soon turn to deep kissing. He pulls away. “Are you tired? We can st—“ Brendon asks in hushed tones before he’s interrupted by Ryan’s shaking head and smiling lips covering his.

 Ryan can taste himself in Brendon’s mouth while they are kissing. Normally, this would disgust him; but remembering the sultry expression on Brendon’s face, with the head of his cock is his mouth. Ryan subtly notices he is getting hard again.

 Brendon felt Ryan’s cock on his hip. He pulls away from Ryan’s lips with a smack sound and looks down. He’s laying half on, half off of him, his jeaned leg between Ryan’s. He scoots himself up an inch more, so Ryan’s cock is rubbing against the soft cotton texture. He smirks at Ryan (and himself) for being able to give him that perfect rose complexion on his cheeks, those swollen lips, the glassy faraway look of want in his eyes. And especially the raging hard dick he procured just from kissing.

 Brendon is slowly rocking his hips and rubbing his right thigh into Ryan’s hard cock. Ryan’s breathing is shallow, eyes heavy lidded, with little whimpers escaping his mouth and into Brendon’s. His hands have found their way under Brendon’s shirt and onto his chest. A little whine escapes as Ryan’s hands glide over Brendon’s lean but muscular pecs, then back down to his abdomen. Brendon reaches behind his back with one hand, pulling his shirt off between kisses. Ryan practically salivates into Brendon’s mouth as he kisses him. He runs his hands onto Brendon’s round ass, leaving his hands there to feel the rhythmic tightening as he rocks his hips against him. Ryan can also feel Brendon’s hard cock rubbing against his naked thigh.

 Brendon needs to be touched. He wants to be touched by only this man with him now. And though he is planning on forever, he can’t wait much longer.

 He reaches down to unbutton his jeans, and slowly pulls down the zipper. The tip of the head of his cock is peeking through the top of his jeans. He pulls his underwear down to release himself, which does this plop action against Ryan’s thigh. Ryan freezes for a second, staring at Brendon’s engorged member. He’s shocked by the size and the fact that another man’s hard-on is mere inches away. Not any man's, but Brendon’s.

Ryan reaches down and places Brendon’s shaft in a loose grip in his hand. He looks at Brendon with pleading eyes, as if asking if he’s doing it right. Brendon cups his own hand over Ryan’s, and he begins to thrust into his hand. He lays his head back with a breathy moan, closing his eyes. He soon moves his hand over to envelope Ryan’s hard cock. Both boys kissing and slowly rocking their hips against the other.

 “Ryan, I want to do more. Can we...can I...make love to you?” Brendon tenderly whispers.

Ryan’s eyes pop open. Both of Ryan’s hands land on Brendon’s chest to push him away. Ryan scoots over to the other side of the bed, pulling his legs to his chest. He begins to frantically scan the room from where he’s sitting for his clothes. Finding his boxers beside the bed, he grabs them and slips them on.

 “Ryan? What’s wrong? Was it something I said? Did I hurt you?” Brendon asks after sitting up, reaching for Ryan’s arm, only to be met by a dodge.

 “I think I should leave. I’m not sure...I trust you, but...Pete had said that I shouldn’t do anything that makes me feel uncomfortable, because —“

 “That’s not right, and that’s not love.” Brendon finished his sentence. “Do you think I _don’t_ love you? I-I can’t imagine being with anyone else but you. I dream about you. I wonder what you’re doing when you’re not with me. I almost went insane at the thought that someone hurt you. I asked you to live with me when we move to LA. Ryan. I do—love you...O.k.  We’re moving too fast, that’s my fault—“

 “What? What did you say?” Ryan asks, eyes wide.

 “I said I made you move too fast. I shouldn’t ha—“ Brendon starts to explain.

 “No. Before that.”  Ryan asks again, eyes narrowed and brows furrowed.

 “Oh. That I love you? I really do, Ryan.” Brendon says hopefully, scooting closer to Ryan on the bed. This makes Ryan sit on the edge of the bed his back turned to Brendon, looking out the window with the street lamp outside next to the sidewalk. That, plus the moon, have been casting enough light to eliminate the shadows.

 “You don’t love me. You hardly know me. What you are feeling is euphoria and lust. It passes after a while, maybe a month or two after sex. You are feeling human urges. Totally normal.” Ryan recites to Brendon and the floor. His eyes are starting to water uncontrollably and his nose is starting to tickle. He’s not sure if he can keep his disappointment in much longer.

 “The moment I saw you, I knew you were special. You were nervous, sure. So was I. I looked into your kind, amber eyes. I saw an old soul who had been hurt, and by all means, you should’ve been the one seeking help. But you are selfless, putting yourself and your needs aside to help a confused boy. Then I dreamed about you. It was so real. I didn’t think I could ever look you in the eyes again, not without revealing all that I was feeling for you. I wanted to be with no one but you. I ended my relationship with Sarah, because it wasn’t fair for her. Not because that would make me a free man. She could _never_ be you. I would look into her eyes and wish they were brown instead of blue. She would laugh, but it didn’t sound anything like you. God knows she doesn’t have your smile, your sense of humor, your nice shaped ass.”

 Ryan glares at Brendon over his shoulder.

 “Ok, that was uncalled for. But don’t you see? It’s not just anybody. It’s _you_.” Brendon touches Ryan’s shoulder, which doesn’t reciprocate a response. Ryan is still facing the window, his back turned on Brendon. “You’re the professional between us. Maybe you have me all figured out and know that I will screw this up somehow. I have a knack for ruining perfectly good relationships. I mean, it really all comes down to...you’re too good for me. You need to find someone who’s more attentive. Less egotistical and vain. I am never serious and you always are. That can’t be a good combination at all. You are so smart, and I just study to pass my tests. You have a doctorate now. You’ll be writing books, going to symposiums. You’ll get bored of me. Maybe. Maybe it’s for the better that we aren’t together?” Brendon says hopelessly, placing his head in his hands.

 Ryan slowly turns around, tears silently falling down both cheeks. He takes a deep breath, starts to say something. Stops. Then starts again. “I don’t think you are egotistical. You think of others feelings before your own. Willing to sacrifice your happiness for others. Without asking them if it would make them happy too, though. You’re not vain. You don’t always put your needs before others. You were willing to come to the campus for me after I had to talk with the Dean. It’s not that I’m smarter than you, either. I may know a lot about psychology and human behavior, but not everyone is textbook.” Ryan wipes his eyes, after Brendon has looked up. “Have you ever heard of the Love Questionnaire?” Brendon just looks blankly at him, shaking his head. “Well, it’s a twenty questionnaire that you rate your answers on a scale. It’s deceiving, really, because there are some questions randomly placed about infatuation.” Ryan pauses. Brendon is just staring at him, without a word. “I really don’t think it’s a fair assessment because of those questions. Because at the beginning, everyone has a little bit of infatuation, or you wouldn’t have been interested at all. Right? But if you were to go out on the street, and ask random strangers what they think love is, do you know what they’d say? Well, you’d think they’d say it’s a feeling you get when that person is around. How they make you feel. And you’d get the hopeless romantics that would say they would die for the person they love. Which, human instinct is self preservation. But there is the occasional—“ Ryan’s tangent derails.

“What are you getting at?” Brendon asks impatiently. Half smiling; while trying to look annoyed.

 “Some would say that there is only one answer. You unknowingly answered it. To me. It’s believed that love is putting another person before yourself. You think that for my happiness, you should be alone and miserable. That I would be ‘better off’ without you.’ That would be further from the truth. I would be miserable too. And I would never forgive myself for letting you go.” Fresh tears blink out of the corner of Ryan’s eyes. “Then there are the telltale signs that you love me, like you seeing a future with me. How you are protective of me and always think of my wellbeing before your own. I know I can rely on you to—“ Ryan is then rudely interrupted by Brendon’s kiss.

 Ryan is then enveloped by Brendon’s arms, brought closer to his warm chest and rapidly beating heart. He’s still silently crying, but it’s not from sadness. The abused and neglect boy has found love as a man.

 Brendon lifts his face to look at him. Wiping the tears away with his thumbs. He kisses the salty tracks on both cheeks. Replacing the hurt with tenderness. He makes a mental note to never suggest that Ryan should be without him. It’s an absurd idea. They need each other. He now believes one cannot live without the other.

 “Never question me again. Promise me, Ryan. I love you.” He says to him while kneeling before him on the bed.

 “I promise….that I’ll always love you.” Ryan says with a cracked voice while another tear falls down his cheek.

 Ryan has never seen Brendon’s smile so wide. He takes Ryans face in his hands, then kisses the tear away. He brushes his lips lightly on Ryan’s, then begins to kiss him deeper. He pulls Ryan into him, easing them both down onto the bed, pulling the blankets down for him and Ryan to crawl underneath. He pulls the zipper up on my jeans, content with the idea of sleeping peacefully with his lover in his arms.

 Ryan is cradled against Brendon’s chest. His skin is radiating heat against his face. He can hear Brendon’s heart beating against his rib cage. He notes the beats are still as strong and haven’t slowed down. He thinks of listening to Brendon’s heart from this night on, well into their old age, and the thought makes him smile. His future had never included anyone else, and to be able to share this with Brendon, washed his soul with excitement, joy, and hope. He is feeling giddy and knows he won’t be able to sleep.

 He can’t keep his hands to himself. Neither does he want to. He turns his head to face Brendons chest and begins with light kisses. Rubbing his free hand along his pecs. Brendon’s breath hitches, then sighs. He wiggles his hips further away from Ryan. He takes that as a sign that he’s awaken him and he’s getting a response. Ryan scoots up to reach under Brendon’s neck. He’s leaving hot, wet kisses and little hickies in his wake. Brendon moans, and moves his body back, away from him. What he didn’t realize is that he’s given easier access to his chest. Ryan kisses and licks his pecs. When Ryan nibbles on one of Brendon’s nipples, he jumps, then chuckles. “We are supposed to be going to sleep.” Brendon responds with a groan, but an obvious smile in his tone. “Ry, baby. It’s late. You still need some time. To know for sure when you’re ready. Sleep.” Brendon hugs Ryan to him again, rubbing his hands on his back to calm and soothe. Ryan is having the opposite effect.

 “You smell so good, Bren.” Ryan sighs, taking deep breaths into his neck and he starts to kiss him again.

 “Hey. Ohh. Hey now. Sleep. Important need to fulfill or we can’t func—Jesus, that feels good. Ok. Brakes. Hold on.” Brendon tries to reason, but failing miserably to Ryan’s antics.

 Ryan cups Brendon’s hard on, kneading his cock through his jeans tentatively. Brendon gasps and then moans into Ryan’s hair as Ryan kisses his neck. His resolution is fading fast. He kisses Ryan’s forehead; moaning particularly loud as Ryan’s long fingers reach Brendon’s taint. Ryan takes this as a positive initiative, unzips his jeans to slowly stroke Brendon’s engorged shaft.

 “We were going to wait.” Brendon breathes out into Ryan’s hair. “I want you to be sure. Oh God, that feels—Ryan, I can wait. I don’t want you to feel that you have to. Oh shit. Ok, you better stop. Stop, Ryan.”

 Ryan stops stroking Brendon, he also releases his dick from his hand. “Bren. I want this. I want you. I want to show you.” Ryan breathes into Brendon’s neck. He pulls himself up to be face to face with him. Slowly and passionately kissing Brendon’s mouth.

“Ryan. Ryan!” Brendon pulls himself away from him, looking him in the eyes. “Are you sure you want to. You freaked out not twenty minutes ago with the thought. I can wait. For you.” Brendon reassured him.

“I know now Bren. I know you’ll be here in the morning when I wake up. I know you’ll be here for me the day after that. I know next week, next month. Even next year, I can count on you being here. Please. Let me love you now.” He kisses Brendon on the neck. “And tomorrow.” Another peck. “Next week, next month.” More kisses on his chest. Brendon moans, relaxes, and is obviously turning to putty in Ryan’s hands. “And years to come.” Ryan latches onto Brendon’s collarbone, planting the most succulent hickey, reaching for his cock again. Alternating between cupping and rubbing him while reaching up for his lips.

 “Jesus Christ, I’ll never be able to say no to you.” Brendon growls while grabbing Ryan’s hip, then sliding his hand over to cup his ass. Pulling him closer while bucking up slightly into Ryan’s hand. Ryan is smiling sinfully between kisses. He peeks through heavy lidded eyes to see Brendon’s cheeks flushed, lips swollen, and a look of surrender etched on his face.

 “Bren, I’ve never done this before. But I want it to be with you. Always and only you.” Ryan whispers into Brendon’s ear. Brendon moans against Ryan’s mouth, it’s then that Ryan feels the trickle of pre-come when he swipes his thumb over the top of his cock. Brendon rolls Ryan onto his back, a sort of predatory look in his eyes. Ryan isn’t frightened at all. He knows he’s pushed Brendon to his very last shred of will. He’s needing release and this is the exact scenario Ryan wanted. “Gentle, please.” He says to Brendon as he once again pulls Ryan’s boxers off.

 Ryan sits up to tug Brendon’s jeans off, the gets them slid down to the end of Brendon’s butt before Brendon takes them the rest of the way off, kicking them onto the floor. Brendon then wraps his lips around Ryan’s long shaft, bobbing up and down slowly, but only for a brief time. He strokes Ryan with his right hand, while he dips his head lower. He licks the underside of Ryan’s balls, then finding his entrance. He sticks his left finger in his mouth, pulling it out with a trail of saliva, then placing it on his hole. He swirls his finger around his ringed entrance, stroking Ryan’s cock in his right hand a few times. Ryan realizes it’s more for a distraction as Brendon is easing his finger inside, stopping when Ryan gasps.

 “Are you ok? Do you want me to stop?” Brendon has removed his finger, but still has a firm grip of Ryan’s cock.

 “No. It just stings a bit. It’s hurts but it also feels really good.” Ryan says breathlessly.

 He feels Brendon release him, hovering above him as he’s looking in the drawer of his nightstand. He smiles when he finds a tube of some sort, wiggling his eyebrows at Ryan then bends to give him a kiss.

 “Don’t ask.” He smiles again at him. Ducking back down between Ryan’s legs. He hears the lid snap open. A cold, wet substance being swirled around on his entrance. It’s a lot more thicker than spit. Brendon reaches for his cock with his right hand, begins stroking slowly while inching a finger into from his left.

 There’s a lot more lubrication this time, less drag and sting. Brendon pauses his finger every few minutes, licking his shaft and kissing the inside of Ryan’s thighs. Right when he feels he’s about to lose control and get closer to coming, Brendon inches his finger further into him. The pain is pleasurable and also diverts his attention away from the phenomenal sensations of his cock. He’s finding enjoyment from the tug of war of electrifying jolts shooting through his body.

 Brendon removes his finger and hand, causing a whimper to escape Ryan’s lips. Which he immediately bites down on when he sees Brendon kneeling between his legs. Brendon has an eyebrow cocked at Ryan, while squirting a line of lube along the top of his cock. “This is going to be much bigger. I’ll go slow. If it’s hurting you, stop me.” Ryan nods. Brendon scoots closer to Ryan’s entrance. He seems to be concentrating on something. He places Ryan’s leg on his shoulder, wrapping Ryan’s left around his waist. Ryan feels his dick poking at his hole. Brendon watches his facial expression as he cautiously inserts the tip of his dick in.

 Ryan’s first instinct is to move away from the discomfort and sting, but Brendon stops. He’s breathing deeply, closing his eyes as if to keep his self restraint. After a few seconds, the pain subsides, and he just feels like something is trying to fill him up. Brendon opens his eyes, looks at Ryan while blowing deep breaths out of his mouth.

 “Ok?” Brendon asks, sweat forming on his brow. Ryan nods eagerly, gives his boyfriend a shy smile.

 Brendon inches a few more of himself in. Biting his lip and furrowing his brow.  Ryan gasps this time at the burn, but it’s not as painful as before. His reaction causes Brendon’s eyes to fly open. “Are you ok. I can st—“

 “God, no. More, Brendon.” Ryan whimpers as his head is pushed back into the pillow.

 Brendon pushes himself in til the hilt, pausing for Ryan to adjust. Both men are breathing rapidly, biting lips for control. Brendon leans down to kiss Ryan, which immediately causes him to arch his back and moan. In Brendon’s confusion, he sits up to see if he’s hurt, not realizing the angle was perfect for Ryan’s prostrate. Ryan in desperation for the sensation again, reaches up to pull Brendon to him with one arm, while pulling him deeper into him with his other hand on his ass. Brendon took this cue to move slightly in and out of Ryan. Moving in small thrusts and being particularly careful to not make sudden moves.

 “You feel really good, Bren...Oh my God.” Ryan moans as Brendon angles his slight thrust up again.

 “You feel good too. So tight.” Brendon mumbles as he leans in for a kiss. Ryan jolts as if electricity has run through him.

 “I don’t know what you’re—doing. Oh God. It’s….amazing. Don’t stop.” Ryan breathes into Brendon’s mouth, eyes closed, and brows furrowed. Anticipating the electrifying jolts Brendon sends through him.

 Ryan’s wiggling and whimpering has Brendon close to his ending. He reaches down to stroke Ryan’s cock while he thrusts with more movement. Ryan stares at him, wide mouthed, while hanging onto his arms. Making no sound but heavy breaths and a sighing “ah.” Semen overflows from his cock, spilling over onto Brendon’s pumping hand. Brendon looks down between them, seeing Ryan’s come on his hands, on both of their abdomen. He comes inside Ryan, knees locking and shaking, but he’s still trying to thrust through. He moans loudly, followed by Ryan’s “shhhh” and kisses on his mouth. Soon, both men are smiling, kissing, playing with each other’s hair. Ryan wipes Brendon’s brow with his hand, while Brendon bends down to kiss him. He knows they’ve made a mess. He doesn’t care. Pete owes him this much.

 He slides off of Ryan, causing a squeak to escape him. They both laugh as Brendon lies behind Ryan, curling around him into a snug spoon.

 “Bren?” Ryan asks.

 “Yeah?” Brendon replies.

 “I love you.” Ryan smiles into the dark, snuggling and wiggling himself into Brendon.

 “I will always love you.” Brendon whispers back, kissing on the back of Ryan’s head. “Until the sun expands and explodes, freezing and killing everything in the universe.”


End file.
